The one day of summer I have a picnic planned. It's been hot, from 38 -43 degrees celsius, (up to 110F) and, with bushfires raging through the State, we have had days of total fire ban. OK, no firecrackers for New Year's Eve, and the barbecue must be electric. No worries.

What happens? The sky opens up with 48 hours of rain. Noah would have been checking to see if the seams on his boat were caulked.

And this morning, after a fizzled day yesterday where the expected crowd was 60 and the turnout 16, beautiful sunshine to mark the first day of the Year of the Dog.

They say people born in the Year of the Dog are the nicest of the lot. They have a deep sense of loyalty, honesty, discretion and inspire the confidence of others. It's said of Dogs that they will 'live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible'. But there are sides to the Dog that can be seen as not quite so positive. Read more >>>

It hasn't been a particularly pleasant Australia Day today. Bushfires all over. Three people have died so far, and more than 130,000ha – that's an area bigger than Hong Kong – have been destroyed along with homes and property, while more than 59,000 sheep and cattle have been killed.

Why do people live in bushfire-prone areas and not make their places bushfire-safe? Sometimes you can't avoid freak weather conditions, but in Victoria we know that the North wind brings bushfire every summer.

What is Australia Day? and what is Reconciliation?

Why do I watch the news? Oil must be the curse of the universe.

John Paul Getty must be the voice of the millenium. The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.

If there were a supreme deity, if God existed, oil would evaporate overnight, tonight. Let us Pray

Bare necessities for Train Travel; On Monday, the railways in China transported 3.8 million people. But more are expected to be travelling on Friday, making the journey somewhat uncomfortable.

Toilet Training; About 120 million peasants from China's vast rural areas swarm the cities for work and all try to make it home for the Lunar New Year holiday, filling all standing room on trains and making access to the toilet impossible during trips often lasting 24 hours or more.

During the same peak travel period last year, some passengers became deranged because they couldn't get to the toilets and jumped out of the carriages.

This week, sales of adult diapers has boomed.

How to terminate a cane toad
After a pleasant read of my tenant's resources in the Pond Perspective (there are some great little quizzes in there) I thought I should impart a very important piece of information, handy for travellers, so keep it in mind for next time you stroll outside for a spot of Nature and spot a whacking great cane toad staring at you.

Humane Termination; Along the lines of a crayfish dinner, it's humane to kill a Cane Toad by lowering its body temperature. Place the Cane Toad in a sealed plastic bag and cool it in a refrigerator at 4°C for half an hour, then transfer the bag to a freezer. When it's a frozen chunk, and very dead, tie the bag securely, wrap in a couple of layers of old newspaper and conceal it in your rubbish tin. The garbage collectors will never know.

You can't help but notice the Pond Life tenant.

Happy birthday to ribbiticus who wishes it were Christmas all year round (she must be made of money, who can afford xmas more than once a year?) Là breith sona dhuibh

I would send a small gift if I weren't so broke from Christmas

Unclog your Blog block

I was browsing through Blog Explosion earlier and was dismayed by the a number of bloggers with Blog Block. "Nothing much has happened" and "Sorry I haven't posted for a while", while a third one reads "I can't seem to get into writing today". Is this a contagious outbreak or just a small touch of apathy?

Just for those who suffer a little clogging, here's the all-new Apathetic Online Journal Entry Generator

Don't mention Global Warming whatever you do.

For whatever reason we have just experienced some pretty hot days. The temperature wobbled around between 39 - 43 degrees celsius. That's 100 to 110 in the old fahrenheit.

It was Billy Connolly who said 'There's no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing' and he was right. I don't mind lounging about in a sarong, sipping iced tea inside my darkened, shuttered, ceiling-fanned house but I must have my computer. And my cable expired in the heat!! There were some intermittent power outages as everyone turned on their air conditioners and spa tubs. So I spent an appalling two days on speeds of 20 kps. Hell's bells, you can't even check your mail, much less upload anything at that speed.

Temperature is in the eye of the Beholder One hundred years ago 50 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit was considered a good house temperature. Fireplaces provided the heat in those days, but when stoves came into common use, the 'comfortable' temperature rose to 62 degrees F. With the increasing use of furnaces and all types of central heating utilities, 70 degrees F. is considered standard. Our grandparents would find it too warm.

Hottest Temperature The hottest temperature ever recorded was 136 degrees Fahrenheit in Libya on Sept. 13, 1922. The less said about that, the better. But it explains a lot. I've always said the Middle East is totally unsuitable for human habitation. It's too hot and there's too much hasheesh. That's why they're all genuinely insane.

P.S. The heat reminds me of a good tip for checking if your diamond is real or if it's a bit of fake zirconium rubbish. Pop it into an oven set at 850 degrees fahrenheit and bake for one hour. Open the oven. If the diamond is gone - then it was real. Congratulations, you once had a real diamond. Diamonds dissipate when exposed to higher temperatures for an extended amount of time....cubic zirconium doesn't

Cold enough for you?
Swans swim in Moscow's Zoo January 19, as air temperature nears -30 degrees. Not just the swans, but everyone shivered in Moscow as the coldest weather for 80 years continued on its third straight day
reuters photo

Go and get Gizoogled
I found this amazing little generator. The Gizoogler. It translates your pages into modern jive dialect.

I was rather shocked to find that I'm (from my blog user profile)
Susanna Duffy. Baller Shot Calla . Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome: female; Astrologizzle Sign droppin hits: Taurus; Zodiac Year gangsta style: Roosta; Industry . Drop it like its hot: Mizzyth, magic n superstizzles Nowadays I spend mah time pimpin' fo` a group of small business thugz as Virtual PA, read'n mystery stories, walk'n along tha creek n Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf

Who are you?

The Culture Minister from Hell
Armenia's culture minister has been sacked after pistol-whipping workers at his local electricity board following a power cut at his home.

Ovik Oveyan stormed into the headquarters of the Armenskiye Electroseti electricity company in the capital Yerevan with his son and two friends after arguing with staff over the phone after they failed to immediately turn the power back on. He attacked and beat up two employees, hitting them across the head with the handle of his pistol.

Electricity gets the sparks flying in Armenia. Last September, the mayor of a small town shot and killed the head of the local electricity board. His constituents re-elected him in a landslide.

Peasants ignited by vodka shortage. Riots are feared in Russia after a new law forced vodka distilleries to halt production.

The new regulations, which were instigated on January 1, stipulate that every distillery must have computerised equipment for measuring alcohol levels, a move which caught the big distilleries by surprise and brought nationwide production to a standstill.

After more than two weeks of no vodka, even respected newspapers such as the economic journal Vedomosti have started to print panicky front-page headlines, such as 'The vodka is running out!'

Analysts predict trouble as shops begin to run out of the national tipple, with some commentators fearing a revolution as more and more Russians turn to violence on discovering empty supermarket shelves.

It's almost unbelievable. The people of Chile have elected their first female president. More importantly, Michelle Bachelet is a single mother and a survivor of Pinochet's torture. That makes her victory even sweeter, because she has defied the worldwide trend of the single-mother-hating radical right, which in country after country has initiated coups and fixed elections to install governments of the corporations, by the corporations, and for the corporations.

Bachelet has declared that she will take advantage of record copper prices to improve education and conditions for the less fortunate. What would her opponent, conservative billionaire Sebastian Pinera, have done with all that booty? Trickled it down to the poor?

Michelle Presidente
Michelle Bachelet Blog

Theology of Hate
Don't dismiss televangelist Pat
Robertson's gleeful declaration that Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for "dividing God's land" as a kooky outburst. This is no lunatic inbred fringe

For starters, Robertson is no fringe dweller. On the contrary: his daily show The 700 Club outrates network-affiliated stations CNBC and MSNBC in prime time. Republican heavyweights - Bill Frist, Rick Santorum, Tom DeLay - are regular guests.

Robertson and his fellow travellers in the religious right, including Focus on the Family's James Dobson and Moral Majority founder Jerry Falwell, believe in a God who actively intervenes on earth to punish 'sinners'.

These are the men who state that

* New Orleaners' tolerance for homosexuality during Mardi Gras "caused" Hurricane Katrina

* pro-choice feminists were "responsible" for September 11

* the rich flourish because they are righteous and don't you dare take away their tax cuts.

Nun Bun Fate Update A Sri Lankan opthamologist is being questioned over the 2004 disappearance of the Nun Bun from Bongo Java coffee shop, Nashville,USA.

The cinnamon bun that so closely resembles the late Mother Teresa was preserved in a glass case in a display of T-shirts, prayer cards, mousepads, pens, pennants, scarves, gloves, socks, badges, posters, bumper stickers, key rings, frig magnets, penknives, kitchen towels, barbecue aprons, beer tankards, shot glasses, coffee mugs and cushion covers -- all with the bun's image.

Mother Teresa personally wrote, in shakey hand, a letter pleading for the sales to be stopped in case they be misconstrued as profiting from the plight of the poor and the sick, but the cafe management explained that only a few small mementos of highest quality and good taste were being sold. Also, every last cent from any sales went straight into the local church for disbursment among the city's poorer classes.

But the theft of the Nun Bun in late 2004 brought fear of divine wrath to some. To others it brought incomprehension.

"Why would anyone want to steal a cinnamon bun with a shrivelled old dead nun on it?", said Police Investigator Montalbano. "And it sure beats me how they found the darned thing in the first place. There's so much tourist junk in there you can't get a coffee no more."

Stay tuned for further updates

Blog Renting

I decided to bite the bullet and offer my blog for rent. It's one of the advantages of being registered at Blog Explosion. There followed some anxious hours wondering if anyone would want to rent the space, what would I do if I had no takers? Would everyone know? (how embarassing) Would I be in more shit than a blue-winged shoveller?

But it's such an accepting community at Blog Explosion that some kind offers came in and from the eighteen blogs bidding, let me tell you there were blogs that had me green with envy (somewhat along the lines of a Taiwanese porker).

What a choice! I wanted something with that special something, that je ne sais quoi, for my first ever tenant, so I present to you Blogs are for Wimps, a blog after my own cynical heart. It's a collaborative effort from some disillusioned realists with the snippets and insights that make me start nodding my head and growling in the back of my throat.

Some news stories speak for themselves. Others are just signs of the end of the world, says Frodo Corleone, one of the contributors to Blogs are for Wimps. One fine example is a news item detailing how the Ku Klux Klan asked a black police officer to be their new leader in Colorado Springs.

Contributor thebeezwax exposes the seamy side of pomegranate drink, I thought the only person who partook of this weird fruit was Persephone. I wonder how long it will take for a pomegranate juice marketing campaign to cross the equator

Pigs may not fly, but they glow in the dark
A research team at National Taiwan University claims it has succeeded in breeding three male green pigs by injecting fluorescent green protein into embryonic pigs. Partially green pigs exist elsewhere, but the Taiwanese pigs are believed to be the only ones that are green inside out, including their hearts and internal organs. In the dark, they glow bright neon green.

I read a blog entry somewhere on blog explosion that asked if pink were the new green. Is this synchronicity?

No license, Governator?

The Groperator fell off his motorbike a few days back. Luckily, his son in a sidecar and Arnie were unhurt but it turns out Schwarzenegger never bothered to obtain a motorcycle license because he "never thought about it."

"I just never really applied for it," he told reporters during a state budget briefing. "It was just one of those things that I never really did."

Schwarzenegger, a Harley Davidson owner who rides regularly along the California coast, said he had a motorcycle license when he lived in Europe but never got another one after arriving in the United States in 1968.

Why should he bother? Just make sure your license is in order, you won't be holding press conferences from behind bars.

I found an old pic of the surgery needed for the 'Little Mermaid'.

They planned to insert silicone bags to stretch her skin so that they could first separate her legs. I do wish I knew how she progressed

Whatever happened to the 'Little Mermaid'?
Looking back over my collection of notes for last year, I wondered what became of little Milagros the "merbaby'.

Born with the rare condition "mermaid syndrome" or "sirenomelia", her legs were fused together, connected by skin down to the feet. Her feet were splayed in a V-shape, and her abdomen merged into her legs, but with normal bone structure and independent movement within the two joined legs.

Usually babies with the condition die within days of birth. Milagros is one of only three known survivors. The only person who is known to have survived in the long term is 16-year-old American Tiffany Yorks, whose legs were separated before she was one year old.

OK that was a year ago. Where is Milagros now ?

Spiced Rat? Arrgghh I'm sorry I'm sorry .....

Three Russian men foundd a rotting rat corpse in a packet of crisps.

The men discovered the dead rat, which was still whole, at the bottom of the kingsize packet after eating just a couple of the crisps. One said: "We realised something was wrong because of the revolting smell in the packet and the strange taste."

It appears the rat had been cooked and processed along with the potatoes. It was seasoned and spiced just like the crisps

Tasmanian Breast Painter

As an Australian I always knew there was something weird about the little island down south, but I must admit I didn't know they encouraged the art of Breast Painting.

Di Peel of Tasmania has become famous for her ability to paint with her breasts. So succesful are these mammary masterpieces, her first canvas sold for $10, her second for $20 and she's now busy with an order for 10 at $50 each. Untold riches! Maybe 50 bucks a painting is big time in Tasmania.

Peel says: "I either apply the paint to my breasts and lean on to the canvas or apply the paint to the canvas and then lean into it to spread the paint. I sign every picture with my nipple."

The mind boggles

The trouble with our times is that the future isn't what it used to be.

The Criminals who are in charge

Consider this: 29 members of the United States Congress have been arrested for spousal abuse, 7 for fraud, 19 for writing bad checks, 3 for assault, 14 for drug related charges, 8 for shoplifting, 17 can't get a credit card due to bad credit, 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses, and in 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving!

Can we beat this in Australia? I think the police here are trained to turn a blind eye when it comes to politicians.

Example : Premier of Victoria, the appalling Jeff Kennett, driving around crazed and drunk on our roads. He was clocked at 143kph in 100kph zone. When police pulled up the car all he could say was "Do you realise who I am?" before he tripped and fell, breaking the opened bottle of Scotch in his hand. no charges

Example : Premier of Victoria, Henry 'The Hangman' Bolte, driving on the highway specially built at taxpayers' expense from Parliament House to the little Bolte hobby farm in Northern Victoria, smashing his car at 110 kph and breaking his leg. His blood sample vanished. no charges

We have had dozens of politicians pretending to live in an electorate to be eligible for nomination (when in reality they live on the other side of the continent) scores of pollies getting living away from home allowances when they are, like Nick Sherry, still at home with Mum, and .....

Golly, I could go on for hours ....... let me send out for pizza

Photos of the Year

Reuters Best Photos of 2005 Memories of the year just passed

Interesting Article - America's Least Trusted - How a Stripper ended up under FBI surveillance
By Coley Ward - creativeloafing.com, 12/28, 2005

Tabby Chase works nights as a dancer at the Clermont Lounge, so she was asleep the morning of Thurs., March 17, when she says FBI Special Agent Dante Jones called her.

Chase says she didn't know what the FBI wanted. When she awoke, it was late afternoon, and she had five messages from three numbers. She says each was from Jones, telling her the FBI needed to ask some questions.

Chase describes herself as a flaky anarchist, somebody who has an inherent distrust of government and big business but who is "terrible at outreach" and "not involved in any organizing." She says she has never been arrested, and her FBI file confirms that. The file is five pages long, but three pages were withheld. It reads like a rap sheet with no raps. Chase's age, Social Security number, and history of participation in various human rights groups is detailed.

Chase called Ken Driggs, a lawyer with the DeKalb County public defender's office, who set up a meeting with the FBI the next day, which lasted for an hour-and-a-half.

Chase says it took awhile to get to the point. "First they brought out a sheet that they were filling out with my personal information. They wanted to know my full name. Where do I live? Do I have any tattoos? Then they started asking me who I date and who I live with." After questioning her for 20 minutes about her personal life, Chase says the agents finally told her that somebody had informed them she was planning a trip to Iraq. They said they were concerned she might be a domestic terrorist.

Her experience speaks to the intensity - some say wastefulness - of the government's homeland security initiatives.

Yet for Chase, showing up on the FBI's radar wasn't a complete shock. She concedes that some aspects of her life could appear suspicious, if viewed through a certain lens. She doesn't have a car, a driver's license, or a bank account. Tabby Chase isn't even her birth name. She was born Jeanette Helen Winsor but changed her name five years ago when she moved to Atlanta. Chase made the change after she and her mother, who has the same name, had a falling out. Then there's Chase's professional life. As an exotic dancer, she does draw attention.

But there is Chase's protest work!! In February, Chase traveled to Washington, D.C., to work for a group called action medical at President Bush's 2005 inauguration. Chase says she was a "street medic," someone who dispenses first aid at progressive rallies and marches. Chase says she also worked as a street medic at the Democratic National Convention in Boston and the Republican National Convention in New York in 2004.

What troubled Chase wasn't that the FBI was asking questions. It was what prompted them to ask that bothered her. The most damning line in the released portion of Chase's FBI file states: "WINDSOR [sic] is a member of the Industrial Workers of the World."

"IWW is one of the country's oldest unions," Chase says. "They'll take anyone. They're the only union that takes strippers. That's why I joined. For a while I was thinking about organizing the strippers in Atlanta, but I ran into some hostility when I was trying to do it."

"During the interrogation, they kept asking me my political affiliation," Chase continues. "And one of them would interject every so often, 'This is the United States of America, you have the right to believe whatever you want to believe. We just need to know what that is.'"