Donald where's your Troosers !


Her Inherited Majesty, Betty Battenburg, with fine specimens of the 1st Battalion of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders. Some of the laddies are finer specimens than others.

Here he is, Pierolapithecus catalaunicus, an ancient ape, thought to be an ancestor to all great apes, us included.


The partial skeleton of the 13-million-year-old 'missing link' was found at a building site near Barcelona.

Palaeontologists from the Miquel Crusafont Institute of Palaeontology have found parts of the skull, ribcage, spine, hands and feet.

This fine specimen of Pierolapithecus catalaunicus was probably male, a fruit-eater and was slightly smaller than a chimpanzee.

Great apes are thought to have separated from the lesser apes some time between 11 and 16 million years ago.

Scientists believe this creature lived after the lesser apes went their own evolutionary way, but before the great apes began their own diversification into orang-utans, gorillas, chimps and humans.

Pierolapithecus probably is, or is very close to, the last common ancestor of great apes and humans.

What century are we living in ?

Romanian police launched an investigation after a priest complained a tear which appeared on a painting of the Virgin Mary had been stolen. And officers managed to find the culprit ! - a woman who believed her problems would go away if she had the miraculous tear.

The 62-year-old woman was one of hundreds of worshippers attracted to the church, in Parcovaci village, Iasi county, after hearing about the tear. "I thought that if I took this tear drop at home all my troubles would disappear. I went to the icon, I prayed and then tried to steal the tear with my lips while kissing it. But I couldn't so I used a tissue to wipe the tear and take it with me."

Inspector Madalin Taranu said: "We cannot speak of breaking the law in this case and the woman can't be charged for anything. But one thing is for sure: it's the first case of this kind in our history."

You'll be comforted to know that the tissue with the 'holy' tear was returned to the church and placed near the painting.

To all those who venerate these alleged objects, I can sell you a Plenary Indulgence, part of the hem of Veronica's robe and a splinter from the True Cross.

Oh, and I have a special on Virgin-shaped cookies today

Mario, the Milanese Moggy wanders to Wales. Another travelling cat. Clever creatures.

An Italian cat ended up in Wales after hiding in the back of a lorry in Milan.

The six-month old kitten crawled beneath a lift door on the back of a truck in Milan, was transported across Europe and, three days and 1,000 miles later, arrived at Global Lift Equipment's Flint factory in Wales.

Cat lovers are now trying to raise the £1,500 needed to put Mario, as he's been nicknamed, in quarantine for six months.

Dolphins to the rescue again ! They have a habit of turning up to protect us when we're in hot water, or more to the point, when we're in the sea where we are helpless. A pod of dolphins circled protectively round a group of swimmers recently to fend off an attack by a great white shark off New Zealand's coast.

The lifeguards were training at a beach near Whangarei on the North Island when they were menaced by a 3-metre shark, before the dolphins raced in to help. The swimmers were surrounded by the dolphins for 40 minutes before they were able to make it safely back to the beach.

Rob Howes, his 15-year-old daughter Niccy, were among the group swimming 300 feet off Ocean Beach near Whangarei when the dolphins herded them -- apparently to protect them from a shark. Howes tried to drift away from the group, but two of the bigger dolphins herded him back just as he spotted a nine-foot great white shark swimming toward the group. "I just recoiled. It was only about 2 m away from me, the water was crystal clear and it was as clear as the nose on my face," Howes said. "They had corralled us up to protect us".

Dolphins attack sharks to protect themselves and their young, and marine biologists say such altruistic behaviour toward us is not uncommon.

Three Cheers for Flipper !

Koories remove museum exhibition in disgust:

The news has just come in and I'm trying to find out more. Apparently some Aboriginal people, representing one of the local language-speaking goups, has walked in and removed an indigenous exhibition from Melbourne Museum.

The exhibition displayed some portraits of people who have died, and the Museum hired out the room in which the exhibits were hung for end-of-year parties.

Whoever handles the party-bookings at Melbourne Museum should know the basic facts about indigenous sensibility. Where's the respect ?

It's utterly grotesque to have parties (doubtless with a few gallons of alcohol guzzled down) in the same room as representations of the honoured dead.

Every schoolchild knows that.

More stupid criminals, this time in New South Wales. Three would-be robbers tried to kick down the door of a restaurant in Gerringong on the south coast, not realising it was an unlocked sliding door.

It could have been a rehearsal for a slapstick comedy but police are taking it seriously. 20 bemused patrons inside the restaurant watched as the three men, wearing balaclavas, tried to kick open the glass door.

"Three men allegedly had hoods covering their faces, one was allegedly armed with a knife," said Senior Sergeant Klepzcarek "The man with the knife attempted to push to open the glass sliding door. Because it wouldn't open, he started kicking it. One of the other men tried to push the sliding door and after a number of attempts all three men have run off".

What would they have done with the proceeds ? Enrol in a clear-thinking course ?

Reclaiming America - an anonymous letter;

This appeared in my inbox from person or persons unknown. At a guess, I'd venture the sender is English

To The Citizens of The United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise".

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh" is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

5. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. Thaven't you noticed that no one else plays "American" football ? You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but doesn't involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour).

6. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. Roundabouts will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though most of you are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.

Watch out for Runaway Ships ! Egon Selestrin settled down to watch an action movie, but couldn't believe his eyes when a 200-foot runaway ship ploughed into the front of his house and through the wall.

The Dino was coming in to dock at the fishing village of Kukljica, on the Adriatic island of Ugljan, when the captain mistakenly put the ship into full speed ahead instead of slowing it down. It crashed through the port, the beach and into the front of the Selestrin house.

Selestrin didn't waste any time running out of the living room just before the house collapsed. "I was in the front room and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the wall collapse and a ship's prow come bursting through."

I'd be surprised too

Hunters soon may be able to sit at their computers and blast away at animals on a Texas ranch via the Internet, a prospect that has state wildlife officials up in arms.

The Web site already offers target practice with a .22 caliber rifle and could soon let hunters shoot at deer, antelope and wild pigs, site creator John Underwood said on Tuesday.

Underwood has invested $10,000 to build a platform for a rifle and camera that can be remotely aimed on his 330-acre (133-hectare) southwest Texas ranch by anyone on the Internet anywhere in the world.

The idea came last year while viewing another Web site on which cameras posted in the wild are used to snap photos of animals.

"We were looking at a beautiful white-tail buck and my friend said 'If you just had a gun for that.' A little light bulb went off in my head," he said. " Internet hunting will be popular with disabled hunters unable to get out in the woods or distant hunters who cannot afford a trip to Texas."

Texas officials are not quite sure what to make of Underwood's Web site, but may tweak existing laws to make sure Internet hunting does not get out of hand. "This is the first one I've seen," said Texas Parks and Wildlife Department wildlife director Mike Berger. "The current state statutes don't cover this sort of thing." Berger adds that state law only covers "regulated animals" such as native deer and birds and cannot prevent Underwood from offering Internet hunts of "unregulated" animals such as non-native deer that many ranchers have imported and wild pigs.

He has proposed a rule that will come up for public discussion in January that anyone hunting animals covered by state law must be physically on site when they shoot.

Underwood, 39, said he will offer animal hunting as soon as he gets a fast Internet connection to his remote ranch that will enable hunters to aim the rifle quickly at passing animals. An attendant would retrieve shot animals for the shooters, who could have the heads preserved by a taxidermist. They could also have the meat processed and shipped home, or donated to animal orphanages.

If you eat cake and drive you're a bloody idiot

Wolfgang L,lost his license because he failed a drug test which showed traces of morphine in his urine.

But he denies drug abuse, saying he had recently eaten mohnnudeln, an Austrian speciality consisting of noodles, poppyseeds and fruit.

Reinhard Fous, head police doctor in Vienna, and toxicologist Rainer Schmidt say police were wrong to withdraw Wolfgang L's license. They are convinced that eating Mohnnudeln doesn't affect anybody's ability to drive a car safely. Fous states Wolfgang ''wasn't under the influence of drugs, but poppyseed contains morphines, which can indeed be traced in a urine test.".

Don't get above yourself Charlie ! Did you see his latest tirade against people who "aspire to lofty goals beyond their natural talent" ?


Prince Charles gets more and more like his father every day. The bigoted old Duke delights media and nauseates human beings with his ignorant and racist comments. Now Charlie tells us that people shouldn't rise above their station in life

" People think they can all be pop stars, high court judges, brilliant TV personalities or infinitely more competent heads of state without ever putting in the necessary work or having natural ability," Charles says.

Not like you. eh Charlie boy ????

Choice Quotes from Phillip the Bigot

A Bulgarian farmer has gone to court to demand substantial damages after claiming the prize-winning pedigree pig he bought from a breeder was a homosexual.

Farmer Galen Dobrev, 43, from Shumen in Bulgaria told the court: "It's a disgrace, all he was interested in was other male pigs."

The farmer took pictures of the gay pig to prove the 220-pound boar was homosexual and had fellow farmers testify on his behalf as to the pig's sexual preferences.

He told the court that when his fellow farmers heard about the gay pig it had also been impossible to sell him - and in the end he had turned the animal into sausages.

But the breeder who sold the pig claimed that the farmer had acted too soon by making pork sausages, and said that if he had waited until the pig was sexually mature he would have found it performed perfectly normally.

International Buy Nothing Day
Noticed all the ads for Christmas already?
Fed up with the endless marketing and advertising to:
Spend Spend Spend Spend?

Well then, mark it on your calendar

Thursday, November 28th is International Buy Nothing Day

It's a 24-hour moratorium on consumer spending, as a day of protest. Don't buy anything; go 24 hours without making a single purchase. (You'll be surprised how hard it is.)

Come and see the Thinking Machine explore the 'invisible, elusive nature of thought'!

You play chess against a transparent intelligence, its evolving thought process visible on the board before you. When the machine is thinking, you see a network of colourful curves overlaid on the board showing potential moves plotted by the Thinking Machine. A map is created from the traces of literally thousands of possible futures as the program tries to decide its best move. Those traces become a key to the invisible lines of force in the game as well as a window into the spirit of a thinking machine.

Thinking machine 4

I thought my goose had laid a golden egg !

I received this exciting email : -

"Good day, my name is Evaldas Vytautas.

I'm Sales Manager of Lionder Web Design Agency. We are situated in Vilnius, Lithuania. Lionder Web Design Agency is pleased to offer you the position of Exchange Manager for our organization. We are excited about the potential that you bring to our company.

We work with corporate clients and some of them prefer to do wire transfers, however we cannot receive international wire transfers because of heavy taxes. Tax for international wire transfer is 25% In Lithuania. There is no sense for us to work in such a way, however we don't want to lose our clients. You need to have Paypal/bank account. System is completely automated. You will work only 1-2 hours a day, receive, process payments from our clients through your Paypal/bank account. Report about all new payments, act only within the limits of law — earn minimum $1500-$2000 per month.

Your salary will be 5-15% from every processed amount (you begin from 5%).

To join the minimum requirements include :

-MINIMUM QUALIFICATIONS (Skills, Knowledge, Ability, etc.)
-The minimum qualifications are diploma or equivalent.
-Must be able to multi-task and have good communication skills.
-Knowledge of MS Word and other basic computer programs.
-This being a new field there is NO experience needed.

HOW TO APPLY:

If you would like to pursue this opportunity simply send Your Resume (CV) to resume@lionder.net OR Download Job Application Form
(www.lionder.net/Job_Application_Form.doc), fill it in and send us to resume@lionder.net (No phone calls please. Callers will not be considered for the position).

We will respond promptly.

Please don't feel shy to contact our Online Support and ask any questions you will have:

Contact Name: Julie Jakulyte
ICQ- 257235542,
AOL IM Screen Name- Jakulyte,
Yahoo! ID: JJakulyte,
MSN- Jakulyte@hotmail.com.

No agencies, please.

Lionder Web Design Agency is an equal opportunity/affirmative action employer.

For more information about who we are and what we do, please visit our webiste — www.lionder.net

It is necessary that we know your decision by November 30, 2004, so that we can plan accordingly.

Regards,
Evaldas Vytautas
Lionder Web Design Agency "

Just for a mad, mad, moment I thought I was onto a good thing ! Here it is, I thought, the BREAKTHROUGH ! Until I read it a second time. "Wire transfer"? Uh oh.

Watch out for this scam. If you fall for it, your goose will be well and truly cooked !

Jaynes' business was remarkably lucrative; prosecutors say he grossed up to $750,000 per month. If you have an e-mail account, chances are Jaynes tried to get your attention, pitching software, pornography and work-at-home schemes.

The eight-day trial that ended in his conviction this month shed light on the operations of a 30-year-old former purveyor of physical junk mail who worked with minimal assistance out of a nondescript house in Raleigh, N.C.

During the trial, prosecutors focused on three products that Jaynes hawked: software that promises to clean computers of private information; a service for choosing penny stocks to invest in; and a "FedEx refund processor" that promised $75-an-hour work but did little more than give buyers access to a Web site of delinquent FedEx accounts.

Jaynes, going by Gaven Stubberfield and other aliases, had established a niche as a pornography purveyor, said Assistant Attorney General Russell McGuire, who prosecuted the case. But Jaynes was constantly tweaking and rotating products.

Relatively few people actually responded to Jaynes' pitches. In a typical month, prosecutors said during the trial, Jaynes might receive 10,000 to 17,000 credit card orders, thus making money on perhaps only one of every 30,000 e-mails he sent out.

But he earned $40 a pop, and the undertaking was so vast that Jaynes could still pull in $400,000 to $750,000 a month, while spending perhaps $50,000 on bandwidth and other overhead, McGuire said. "When you're marketing to the world, there are enough idiots out there who will be suckered in."

Prosecutors believe Jaynes had a net worth of up to $24 million, and they described one of his homes as a mansion, though the e-mail came from a house described as average.

Jaynes got lists of e-mail addresses — millions of them — through a stolen database of America Online customers. He also illegally obtained e-mail addresses of users of the online auction site eBay.

Prosecutors don't know how he got the lists, though McGuire said the AOL names matched a list of 92 million addresses an AOL software engineer has been charged with stealing. However Jaynes got them, they were particularly valuable because AOL customers and eBay users by their very nature have already shown a willingness to engage in e-commerce.

read the full story from Marrhew Barakat. Yahoo News.

The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, has been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years.

In 1952, on the island of Koshima scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant. An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers, too.

This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists.

Between 1952 and 1958, all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable. Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.

Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes — the exact number is not known. Let's suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes.

Let's further suppose that later that morning, the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.

Then it happened !
By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them. The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!

But, and here comes the important bit, the potatoe-washing habit then jumped over the sea and whole colonies of monkeys on other islands began washing potatoes. Ar Takasakiyama on the mainland, numerous troops of monkeys suddenly took to scrubbing the spuds.

Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind. Although the exact number may very, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the consciousness property of these people.

But there's a point at which if only one more person tunes in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness is picked up by just about everyone

You may be the Hundredth Monkey !
Are you reading my mind ?

Click 'Yes' for catastrophe
An executive who froze his broken hard disk thinking it would be fixed has topped a list of the weirdest computer mishaps.

Although computer malfunctions remain the most common cause of file loss, data recovery experts say human behaviour still is to blame in many cases. They say that no matter how effective technology is at rescuing files, users should take more time to back-up and protect important files. Human error, including computer rage, seems to be a growing problem


Careless - and preventable - mistakes that result in data loss range from reckless file maintenance practices to episodes of pure rage towards a computer.

This last category includes the case of a man who became so mad with his malfunctioning laptop that he threw it in the lavatory and flushed a couple of times. "Data can disappear as a result of natural disaster, system fault or computer virus, but human error, including 'computer rage', seems to be a growing problem," said Adrian Palmer, managing director of Ontrack Data Recovery.

Oh No, My Files!
One user put his hard drive in a freezer, after reading on the internet that this can fix malfunctioning hardware

When tidying up his computer folders, one user inadvertently deleted the ones he meant to keep. He only realised he'd made the mistake after emptying the recycle bin and defragging the hard drive

While a large office was being constructed, a steel beam fell on a laptop that contained the plans for the building.

A woman placed her laptop on top of her car while getting in. Forgetting about the laptop, it slid off the roof and she then reversed straight over it as she set off

A far more common situation is when a computer virus strikes and leads to precious files being corrupted or deleted entirely.

Mr Palmer recalled the case of a couple who had hundreds of pictures of their baby's first three months on their computer, but managed to reformat the hard drive and erase all the precious memories.

"Data can be recovered from computers, servers and even memory cards used in digital devices in most cases," said Palmer. "However, individuals and companies can avoid the hassle and stress this can cause by backing up data on a regular basis."

An Australian diving club has claimed a world record in the extreme sport of underwater ironing. Some 43 members of Melbourne's Bay City Scuba Diving Club ironed in 10ft of water in Port Phillip Bay.

Club spokesman Alan Igoe said the 25 minute dive, using cold non-electric irons, also raised £250 for charity.

"We always try to do something to get our members diving after the winter break, but this gained momentum and took off as a chase for a world record," he said

Extreme ironing confirmed the Australian divers had snatched a six week old record from a sixteen-strong New Zealand group of ironists.

Pansy Wine for gay market : A wine company in New Zealand is onto the latest in the search for the Pink Dollar with its new wine label - Pansy

Kim Crawford Wines says the Sydney gay community drinks around $NZ4.5 million ($AUS4.05m) worth of wine a month. "Pansy is about friendship, kindness and generosity of the human spirit," company founder Erica Crawford said of her product. "It's just been a bit of fun. It's actually a thank you to them, we have had great support from the gay community."

Miami : USA Miami-Dade County police shocked a 6-year-old boy with a 50,000-volt stun gun to keep him from hurting himself with a piece of glass he was waving around in a school office, officials confirmed Thursday.

But the incident, which occurred Oct. 20 at Kelsey Pharr Elementary in Brownsville, has child advocates and experts shaking their heads in disbelief.

''It just sounds excessive to me to Taser gun a 6-year-old when everyone else around there were adults,'' said retired Broward County Juvenile Judge Frank Orlando, who runs a youth-law clinic at Nova Southeastern University. ``They couldn't subdue a 6-year-old? Must have been a pretty big kid.''

Miami's Police Department has been in trouble before for heavy-handed treatment of people. But this one takes the cake! A couple of beefy polimen cannot subdue a 6-year old? Come on! What is this world we are getting into?

Full article at: Miami Herald (may require -stupid- free registration).

The Federal Government's plans to overhaul Indigenous welfare have been condemned as racially discriminatory by Aboriginal leaders.

Indigenous Affairs Minister Senator Amanda Vanstone says she wants to see an end to remote community exemptions from mutual obligation rules in favour of shared responsibility agreements. These could include sanctions for parents who do not care for their children properly or bans on children using community pools if they do not attend school.

But Indigenous rights advocate and former social justice commissioner, Professor Mick Dodson, says the Government is blaming Indigenous Australians for its own failure to provide for their communities. "You shouldn't violate people's rights, their human rights, their right to be free of discrimination in order to put in place some sort of social experiment."

Aboriginal and Torres Straits Islander Commission (ATSIC) Central Zone Commissioner Alison Anderson also opposes the plans, saying they are a step back for her people.

She says state and federal Governments have failed to police truancy in remote Indigenous communities. She has dismissed Senator Vanstone's appointed national advisory group, the National Indigenous Council.

"I think John Howard and Amanda Vanstone have caused separatism in this country," she said. "There are two laws now, one for the non-Indigenous people and one for the Aboriginal people in this country. Like Pat Dodson said, this country has gone absolutely mad under the leadership of John Howard and Amanda Vanstone."

The Opposition's Kim Carr says conditions are so bad in Indigenous communities that radical action is required, but he is wary of moves to sanction parents. "I'm very concerned about notions of punishment being imposed on people because the Government doesn't like the way they treat their kids," he said.

Senator Carr says he remains to be convinced that the changes will be introduced in partnership with the communities they affect, as Senator Vanstone has promised. And even the Liberals' parliamentary secretary for finance, Sharman Stone, says Indigenous families need support, not punishment. "I don't think the non-Indigenous community of Australia can take a punitive approach which could only lead to resentment and hostility - not the outcomes everybody wants."

But Prime Minister John Howard has backed an end to "passive welfare payments". "The idea of passive welfare is an idea whose time has passed," he said.

Source: ABC

Australia : The Health Insurance Commission (HIC) is asking child abuse victims to pay back Medicare rebates received for treatment related to their abuse.

The issue was raised by a Tasmanian man, Steve Fisher, who was sexually abused by an Anglican priest in the early 1980s. Mr Fisher's claim for compensation is still being processed by the Church.

A letter from HIC stipulates he is required to repay Medicare rebates for treatment received as a result of the abuse if the compensation amount exceeds $5000.

A spokesman for the Commission says the body is simply implementing Government policy and any requests to review or relax the policy are a matter for Health Minister, former Catholic priest Tony Abbott.

A spokeswoman for Mr Abbott says the Health Minister is on holiday and cannot be contacted.


Source: ABC

A soap opera in Germany changed its name after broadcasters realised the initial letters spelt out ANAL.

TV channel Sat 1 had originally called the soap Alles Nur Aus Liebe, which roughly translates as Everything for Love. The new series will now be broadcast under the less offensive name Verliebt in Berlin, meaning In Love in Berlin.

Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics. A brilliant little website with this to say :-

"In the name of physics decency, to protect the minds of children everywhere, so that they may grow up in a world where they know the difference between speed and velocity, we have taken the responsibility to rate movies for their portrayal of excessively bad physics."

"The motion picture industry has failed to police itself against the evils of bad physics. This page is provided as a public service in hopes of improving this deplorable matter. The minds of our children and their ability to master vectors are (shudder) at stake."

Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics

The Duchess of Northumberland has permission to grow cannabis, opium, magic mushrooms and cocaine.

The Duchess has been given Home Office approval to grow drugs for educational purposes in her garden at Alnwick Castle.

Visitors will be able to admire - but not pick - marijuana plants, opium poppies, magic mushrooms, tobacco and the coca plant, the source of cocaine. They will take their place alongside 50 other dangerous plants in what will be Britain's largest public poison garden.

The Duchess said: "The Poison Garden will offer a new avenue, outside the classroom, to get people talking about the misuse of drugs, most of which grow in nature. I am interested in the power of plants and how they have been used not only to cure but to poison and kill."

Golly, what you can do with a title !

In 1985, Brian Calen claimed he was blinded in the right eye in a cruise ship accident. Seven years later, he said a ship's telescope blinded him again. Then, he said, he was blinded on two more trips - by a champagne bottle and a flying disc.

All in the same eye.

Calen's unlucky streak - which allowed him to collect more than $1 million in travelers' insurance money - finally caught up with him this week, when he was charged with insurance fraud and grand larceny.

"How does a guy get blinded again and again?" District Attorney Jeanine Pirro asked.

Calen took out insurance policies that covered losses during travel that did not require a medical examination. The policies were sometimes triggered just by charging the trip on a credit card.

Good try

Some excuses received by high school attendance offices in notes from parents.

Dear school: Pleas exkuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33.

Chris have an acre in his side.

Mary could not come to school because she was bother by very close veins.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

I kape Billie home because she had to Christmas shopping because I didn't no what size she wear.

John was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.

Please excuse Gloria, She been sick and under the doctor.

My son is under the doctor's care and could not take fizacal ed. Please execute him.

Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gang over.

Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.

Please excuse Joyce from jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Joey Friday, he had loose vowels.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football, he was hurt in the growing part.

Sweet pickle lovers have turned to auction site eBay amid fears of a shortage of Branston Pickle this Christmas. A fire at the only factory that makes the stuff in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk last week could mean a ploughman's lunch is off the menu.

Several jars of the sweet pickle - said to be a favourite with actress Catherine Zeta-Jones - have been put up for sale on eBay. One posting reads: “You are bidding on 1 original 310g unopened jar of BRANSTON PICKLE. Due to the fact the factory burnt down there is going to be a shortage of this product for Christmas, so get yours while the stocks last”.

Another states: “Don't miss out on this chance to buy this 620g jar of fast disappearing heaven! Your cheese sandwiches now or at Christmas would not be the same without it.”

webuser.co.uk

It had to happen. A talking dog.


Yula, a two-year-old Staffordshire terrier from Russia, addresses her owners by name and politely asks for dinner.

Owner Vladimir Lyubaev says Yula started calling his wife 'mama' a year ago. "She would say 'food mama' when he was hungry and my wife was there, and 'food Roma' when my son Roma was there," said Lyubaev. "She started saying mama when she was a year old - who knows what she will be able to manage when she is older still."

"Even Russian kids have trouble with the letter 'r', but Yula managed to learn to pronounce it. And she is still so very young."

Sceptical journalists dispatched to the village of Kushnarenkovo, in the republic of Bashkiria, confirmed the dog did appear to talk.

Rumsfeld predicts low civilian death toll in Fallujah

Tue, Nov 9 11:26 AM

An Iraqi doctor treats a wounded two-year-old boy brought to hospital after his house collapsed during an air raid in Fallujah. Source: Reuters

No more needs to be said

Something fishy is happening in the headwaters of the Potomac River. Scientists have discovered that some male bass are producing eggs—a decidedly female reproductive function. In June 2002 reports appeared of fish die-offs in the South Branch of the Potomac River. The West Virginia Division of Natural Resources asked U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) scientists to examine fish health in the watershed near the town of Moorefield, about three hours' drive from Washington, D.C.

Anglers were also reporting fish with lesions. USGS scientists determined that some of the lesions indicated exposure to bacteria and other contaminants. The findings have perplexed the government scientists, who suspect a little-understood class of emerging contaminants. The contaminants include natural hormones excreted by humans and livestock as well as hormone-mimicking synthetic chemicals. The chemicals appear to confuse the endocrine systems of fish, essentially fooling males into producing female cells.

Endocrine disruptors work like biological disinformation campaigns. Sometimes mimicking natural hormones like estrogen, they alter other hormone concentrations. The disruptors can either prevent or weaken the normal cell-signaling process.

National Geographic

You know that awful feeling when you realise you've lost your mobile phone ? What do you do ?

The first thing is to grab another phone and dial your own number. That works for me, I always find it in my coat pocket hanging up behind a door in another room or somewhere equally inaccessible. A Turkish petrol attendant had a different experience however.

When he couldn't find his phone he dialled the number only to hear his dog's stomach ringing.

"I'm just glad my phone wasn't stolen after all," he said. All will end happily when Nature takes her course, he'll be reunited with his Nokia tomorrow.

Who says we Australians are backward on the web ? The mastermind of a global internet scam sentenced to four years behind bars today is well and truly home-grown.

Nick Marinellis pleaded guilty in the New South Wales District Court to 10 counts of fraud and one count of perverting the course of justice over the so-called Nigerian or West African scam.

Judge Barry Mahoney sentenced Marinellis to five years and three months jail with a non-parole period of four years and four months, backdated to October last year when the 40-year-old was first jailed.

Judge Mahoney said a significant sentence was needed to deter others from committing similar offences. "None of the matters are trivial and the modus operandi was complicated and devious," he said.

Marinellis will be eligible for release on February 28, 2008

news.com.au

Marry an American

In Canada, This Magazine, the alternative magazine of pop culture and the arts, is encouraging public-spirited individuals to marry an American.

" Now that George W. Bush has been declared the official winner of the November 2 election and shall become the President of the United States for four more years of idiocy, I the undersigned, a Canadian citizen, pledge to liberate, through the legal and binding act of marriage, a willing citizen of the United States of America, of a gender of my choosing, and with one or all of the following political leanings:

discouraged Democrat,
reformed Republican,
apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies. "

Marry an American

I'm answering a comment to this blog by using this article from truthout.org by Greg Palast

Kerry won. Here's the facts

I know you don't want to hear it. You can't face one more hung chad. But I don't have a choice. As a journalist examining that messy sausage called American democracy, it's my job to tell you who got the most votes in the deciding states. Tuesday, in Ohio and New Mexico, it was John Kerry.

Most voters in Ohio thought they were voting for Kerry. CNN's exit poll showed Kerry beating Bush among Ohio women by 53 percent to 47 percent. Kerry also defeated Bush among Ohio's male voters 51 percent to 49 percent. Unless a third gender voted in Ohio, Kerry took the state.

So what's going on here? Answer: the exit polls are accurate. Pollsters ask, "Who did you vote for?" Unfortunately, they don't ask the crucial, question, "Was your vote counted?" The voters don't know.

Here's why. Although the exit polls show that most voters in Ohio punched cards for Kerry-Edwards, thousands of these votes were simply not recorded. This was predictable and it was predicted. See An Election spoled rotten

Did you see the first criminal prosecution of spam distributors ?

Jurors in Virginia recommended that the man, Jeremy Jaynes, serve nine years in prison and that his sister, Jessica DeGroot, be fined $7,500.

Is 9 years too much or too little? When I attempt to estimate how much time I spend each day deleting spam and bounces returned to non-existent email addresses on my domain, when you look at the time and the cost of fighting this rotten spam, I could cheerfully turn the key in the door.

From the BBC

Specialist cooks from around the world have gathered in Serbia for the World Testicle Cooking Championship.

The event will include an 'exotic testicles' section where chefs will have to come up with a dish using camel and ostrich testicles. Ljubomir Erovic, of the Serbian Tourism Board claims that the best cooked balls come from Serbia and " ... all testicles can be eaten, except human of course - we don't want any cannibals here."

Indian farmers are reportedly spraying their cotton and chilli fields with Coca-Cola to protect them from pests. They say it's much cheaper than chemical pesticides and just as effective at controlling bugs.

Hundreds of farmers are reported to have switched to cola because it's safe to handle, doesn't need to be diluted and is cheap. "I observed that the pests began to die after the soft drink was sprayed on my cotton," says Gotu Laxmaiah.

A spokesman for Coca-Cola said: "There is no scientific basis for this and the use of soft drinks for this purpose would be totally ineffective".

A team of Japanese sociologist and psychiatrists have come up with the best chat-up line in the world.

The line "Rainen no kono hi mo issho ni waratteiy-oh" means literally: "This time next year, let's be laughing together."

The Japanese team - including Takaaki Ishibashi, host of Japan's equivalent to Blind Date - was asked to find the best conversation ice-breaker. The panel said that using "this time next year" sent a signal that the bloke on the pull is interested in more than a one-night fling. "Together" gives the impression of freshness in the romance and "laughing" softens the phrase to make it easy to deliver.

The winning chat-up line is supposed to work anywhere, but particularly well with an office acquaintance. Officials hope it will help solve a population crisis in Japan, where birth rates have plunged.

THE WORLD VOTES FOR JOHN KERRY

THE HAGUE, 11/1/'04 - If the rest of the world could vote in the U.S. Presidential election, John Kerry would win in a landslide. That's the conclusion of an international election conducted by The World Votes, an initiative that gives people all around the world a voice in the forthcoming U.S. Presidential Election.

According to the international election, John Kerry receives 81.6% of the vote. George Bush is favoured by a 6.2% minority. Independent candidate Ralph Nader gets 5.3%. The other candidates together receive less than 6%. In total, nearly 10,000 citizens from countries all over the world took part in this election.

The poll subsequently asked the participants about the expected outcome of the 2004 Presidential election. More than half (57.1%) of the respondents think that John Kerry will win the election. For this question, 42.3% thinks that Bush serve a second term in the White House.

Most participants (43.5%) think that U.S. voters will consider foreign policy as a major issue when casting their vote on November 2. One third of the voters however say that Americans will not consider foreign policy a key theme upon casting their vote.

The U.S. election is widely considered by the participants (91.4%) to be an international event. However, almost half of the respondents (46.9%) indicated that the rest of the world should not have a say in the election. Only a mere 6.8% says that the U.S. election is purely a domestic issue.

The survey results are mailed to all respondents - including more than 4,000 American citizens- as well as to international and U.S. media. But the World Votes has no intent to influence the democratic process in the U.S. "We just want to urge U.S. voters to keep the rest of the world in mind when casting their vote", says Wiebe de Jager, one of the initiators.

The World Votes has been discussed all over the world on Internet and in the media. In the past few weeks, the International Herald Tribune, BBC News and the L.A. Times paid attention to the initiative.

About The World Votes

The World Votes is a non-profit, primarily symbolic action to mobilize world citizens to become enfranchised in the debate about a more democratic management of world affairs. The World Votes is based in the Netherlands.

The World Votes is a member of The World Speaks a gateway to worldwide action, dialogue, and information about the U.S. Presidential election in November 2004.

A blind Romanian's decision to become a car thief was short-lived after he smashed into a tree and knocked himself out.

The man stole the car after a row with friends who told him he was useless because of his lack of sight, and so he set out to steal the car to prove he could do anything.And police say that Alin Popescu, 24, from Izvoare on southwest Romania, almost succeeded.

He managed to break into the parked car without help, started the ignition using a screwdriver, and then drove off down a busy road before crashing half a mile later, local daily National reported.

He told police: "I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do anything I wanted - despite my handicap. I only crashed because I was not sure of the way home."


Ananova

Saddam's left leg for sale

The left leg of the statue of Saddam Hussein pulled down by US troops in Baghdad has gone up or sale on the internet.

It's up for auction on German internet site Azubo.de after two English contractors reportedly smuggled it out of Iraq.

The site says two Englishmen working as private contractors smuggled the 300 kilo left leg out of Iraq to Bremen in Germany as a joke. They sold it to a scrap dealer who left it in his yard for half a year and had been planning to sell it as an artwork without realising what it was.

It was spotted later by the current owner who confirmed what the leg was from the TV footage and snapped it up so he could sell it on the Internet. He said he paid a four figure price for the leg, that had been sold to the scrap dealer as a curiosity.

Hugh Grant and Robert Downey Jr are among a host of stars featured in a new calendar - but the pictures are provided compliments of America's police precincts.The stars have all been given their own months to represent in the 2005 Celebrity Mugshot Calender, which features real-life pictures taken after their arrests.

British actor Grant kicks off the year with his 1995 shot, taken after he was caught with prostitute Divine Brown in Hollywood, while Vince Vaughn takes the Mr April title, compliments of a 2001 arrest in North Carolina for fighting outside a bar.

Taking the May slot is Al Pacino, who provides the calendar's oldest mugshot from 1961. Then 21, he was caught with a gun. He reportedly told police it was for an acting job. Charges were later dropped.

Robert Downey Jr gave publishers several options for his appearance on the June page, but they chose his first 1996 mugshot, from his arrest for heroin and cocaine possession.

Christian Slater finishes the year for his 1994 weapons arrest, the calendar also includes the mugshots of Anna Nicole Smith, Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughey, Carmen Electra and Keanu Reeves.

Ananova

An employers' group is surprised by a report that suggests Australians are among the world's hardest workers.

The International Labour Organisation (ILO) report shows one-fifth of Australians work at least 50 hours per week. It ranks Australia among the United States, New Zealand and Japan as the world's hardest working nations.

David Gregory from the Victorian chamber of commerce and industry says it is hard to believe, but also makes sense. "We can't be a nation of bludgers as we were once perhaps perceived to be and yet on the other hand a country that's been very successful in terms of developments over the past decade,"


ABC News

I should really use this blog more. It's a fabulous litle tool and everyone should have a blog